The Melting Edges of Your Being

We all have within us places that we retreat from. Uncomfortable edges from which we instinctively withdraw. They could be emotional, mental or physical, but the feeling is the same: one of tension, pain and suffering. They can manifest as soft quagmires of endless darkness we fear to get sucked into, never to return. Or sharp ridges of nerve-deep pain. Or cauldrons of unease and agitation.

We naturally want to skitter away.

What if they are indicators of that which needs our attention rather than that which should be avoided?

What happens if we lean in?

Meeting The Self

Many years ago I came across the books of Pema Chodron, Buddhist monk and teacher. Deeply rooted in her own experience, as well as millennia of ancient Buddhist wisdom, her books offer many beautifully teachings. But it was her teachings on the transformative power of ‘leaning in’ to that which we would normally shy away from that touched me deeply at the time, and has continued to reverberate ever since.

The idea that we might come to meet our pain as the living edge of our evolution utterly changes how we view to. As the years have gone on and I have let this teaching sink in, I find that it has brought back to me aspects of myself that were uncomfortable, painful, dark or difficult, and done so in a soft and loving way.

What if these are the parts of ourselves that show up to be loved, rather than showing up to cause pain?

What if these unloved aspects of ourselves are simply asking for gentleness?

And what if continually shunning, condemning or judging them can never really help?

Distraction and Deflection

When I find myself unable to settle into my morning meditation, or I see that I am putting together a seamless loop of distractions - going from audiobook to podcast to youtube to social media to book - I have learned that this is an invaluable indicator that I am avoiding something that I need to lean into. This behaviour can creep up on me over a few days or weeks until I suddenly see that I have insidiously lost my ability to put a filter on stimulus. Instead, I have become susceptible to the many shiny things the modern world can offer me to water down my attention.

Inside though, there is a growing unease that’s letting me know that I am dislocating from myself, that I need to bring the precious quality of my awareness to bear on myself.

What Does it Mean to Lean In?

To lean in means to come to meet that which we are trying to mask, push away, suppress, ‘fix’ or ignore. To lean in means to go towards that which is hurting - holding space for it with gentle openness and curiosity.

To lean in means to understand that we only push a part of ourselves away because it feels uncomfortable or challenging, and because we are afraid of what it might mean about our life or about ourselves. If it is physical pain we are pushing away, it may be because we fear that it signifies ageing, weakness or illness. If it is a troubled, uneasy feeling in our heart, it may be because we feel that we are not loved. If it is a spiralling into darkness in our mind, it may be because we fear that have a mental illness.

So often, we think a challenging emotion or sensation means something bad about ourselves or our universe. But we jump to meaning so quickly!

The truth is much kinder than this. This uncomfortable feeling is nothing more or less than our next growth point, our evolutionary edge. It is simply that which has not yet been heard, held and tended. It is an area of our being that is alive within us, speaking to us right now, and in need of Love.

The Terrain Beyond

There is immense healing power in Lovingly coming towards a feeling of discomfort and heeding it - coming to it quietly, gently and peacefully. Coming to it with curiosity and patience, as you would if you were trying to approach a wild animal caught in a trap.

We have to gentle ourselves to get close. We have to put down the need to fix, rescue or defend. Instead, we come quietly and allow ourselves to melt into awareness, softening to meet the vulnerable edges of ourselves.

When we do this, we find that what lies beyond is life - our life, our own essence, alive, rich and full of wonder. We begin to discover so much within ourselves - our capacity, our resourcefulness, our energy and creativity, our humour and passion - that we have not yet had access to. A more complete sense of who we are unfolds. We find that we can expand, breathe and relax more deeply than we previously experienced. We find that we are more spacious, softer and calmer insider. We can take up more space - inside ourselves and inside the world. We are kinder, lighter and less reactive. 

We come to our edges and we find that there is rich life beyond. 

“Come to the edge,” he said.

“We can’t, we’re afraid!” they responded.

“Come to the edge,” he said.

“We can’t, We will fall!” they responded.

“Come to the edge,” he said.

And so they came. And he pushed them. And they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire, 1880-1918

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